The title’s well extreme… I just wanted to grab your attention and intrigue you. May as well stay now you’re here…
In this current ‘hook up’ culture it seems impossible to know how to actually go about dating. Whether you’re looking for something serious or something fun, we’ve come to the acceptance that we’re to just dive in belly first and hope something worthwhile comes out of it. How many times have you looked back and thought “why did that turn out like that?” or “considering I am THIS buff why the hell does he not want me anymore?” you get the gist…
As I’ve grown up and met many wonderful (by wonderful I mean horrendous) men I think I’ve hit the nail on the head…CHILLING.
WHAT THE FUCK IS CHILLING?!
How many long lasting, romantic, fruitful relationships have blossomed from “you wanna come and chill?”
Don’t get me wrong…whilst you’re dating or in between doing things with a new person, chilling is fine. I actually prefer chilling for the most part, but not as a form of getting to know someone. Not straight off the bat. Not for your first official “hanging out”.
Why? Because chilling leads to nothing more than sporadic sex and blocked numbers.
If you give the other person no challenge or chance to impress you (and vice versa) at the beginning, you’re essentially saying you’re not worth making the effort for and from that point forward all you will do is chill. There is absolutely no effort involved in chilling. It’s so slack and the typical scenario goes something like:
blablabla text for 1 month. blablablabla decided you definitely fancy them. blablabla you go to theirs to chill. blablabla few weeks later you go to “chill” aka have sex. blablabla few weeks or months later you can’t get a text back and they don’t give a shit about where you are or what you’re doing. Jeez. Cold world bruh – what ‘appened?
It sends off a very casual signal. You’re not wanting to be taken seriously or spend invested time with the person so chilling with a mundane film will suffice until you get to the sleeping together part. You’ve had no time to really get to know each other. You’ve half heartedly told them what your mum does for work but apart from that they don’t know anything about you and they definitely do not remember where your mum works. SHE’S A MIDWIFE ALRIGHT.
I think if you’re hoping that someone will find you amazing you need to equally go out of your way to be amazing. You could look like Kimmy K and even have the personality of me (I’m great) but if you begin your journey with “ok I’ll come over about 8” then it’s just not going to work. If that’s the start, would you really be that surprised that if you did get together, the person would constantly surprise you or take you out, show you new cities and spoil you? Unlikely.
I’m not even the type of person to care or like dates – I’m not going to coil off about how men should wine and dine you and spend about £200 because that’s crap. If you want to date the person, ask them out. Take the guy out – don’t be a high maintenance princess. What I’m saying is just do something. Don’t settle for a shit film and the most awkward leg cramp because you’re not comfortable enough to roll around on the floor in your pyjamas so you sit in one position for 4 hours. We have all done it.
Let me know what you think and if you agree or disagree. If you’re brave tell me some “chilling” stories that have turned out exactly as I’ve described. I won’t as I’ve got a reputation to try uphold
Haha the naked truth! On point! I can relate to that so well, feels like reading about my love life until age 22. When I’ve decided to stop dating shitty guys just to have someone. I do not need a trophy to stroll around with. But I will not get into details coz it’s gonna bore you to hell (or make you call me an idiot, stupid or even say that I was going bonkers lol). But indeed it’s exactly like that…chill…to chill means nothing and leads to nothing, never has nor will…
I agree with what you said: “go out of your way to be amazing”, but then again some girls should take care in doing so or it could portray them as needy, clingy and that they are trying too hard to “be amazing” just to impress some. And guys will notice that. Girls need to go out of their way to be amazing but in a natural way…
Xx laura
haha yes completely – I think you should show someone how good or amazing you are by just showing yourself as someone who isn’t going to just chill and accept that’s the way things will go. It’s often down the chilling route that girls get needy or clingy because they expect something to come out of it and get pissed when it doesn’t.
But yeah we can all definitely relate and it’s a learning curve – I’m 25 and only just realising haha greaaat
“I’m 25 and only just realising”..hahaha…it’s alright! In the end everything turns out for the best lol. I’m 28 and, well, haven’t figured out much yet… 🙁 hha