Case Of The Ex: Find Out In This Post Whether It’s Worth Staying Friends!

I’d say that most of us have tried being friends with an ex. I’ve done it, heck I’ve even tried to do it recently. Hi Jstar, what’s good?

There are many reasons why ex lovers try and stay in contact – it could be that one is still invested and uses faux friendship as a way of winning their partner back, or both parties genuinely feel removed enough from the situation that friendship is a good idea; or perhaps a child is involved. Either way, the chances of it working out successfully are slim.

I have, for example, an ex from when I was 17 that whenever he speaks to me now I can amicably talk with him. He’s not my friend but its been 10 years so it’s not that deep. There’s a difference between showing maturity and having the ability to converse with an ex if needs be, and forcing a fully fledged friendship like say he’s one of the girls.

Here is what to consider when being pally with someone you once dated:

1. Timing. How long have you been separated? When you try and stay friends with an ex but haven’t even been separated that long, it’s likely that there will be triggers that spark negative emotion inadvertently. You haven’t fully healed yet and just because one day will be fine it doesn’t mean every day will be the same
2. Why did you break up? Any type of infidelity or disrespect is just a big no no. You will force yourself to come to terms with a situation that deeply damaged your emotions and likely pretend that you’re no longer bothered. Being bothered isn’t the issue here though. You may forgive but you probably won’t forget and that is a recipe for disaster.
3. Other people. You feel satisfied that your relationship ended for good reason, but are you mentally prepared for them to be intimate with others? You need to remember at this stage you have no authority to question what your ex may or may not be doing.
4. Agenda. Why are you remaining friends? Are you secretly trying to sabotage him with any future partners? Are you still in love with him? Are you in denial? Are you reliant on him? You need to identify what it is about him that makes it necessary for you to remain in contact.
5. Rumours. This shouldn’t bother you really as people will talk no matter what, but unfortunately there are people who thrive on gossiping about other people’s relationships. If you are to stay friends, you both need to be confident and secure that when people start talking, you are not going to react.
6. Moving on. By staying attached to your ex, are you hindering your progression and growth? Are you allowing yourself the freedom to live life on your terms? Often, partners will try and remain civil, but at least 1 of the 2 will be living in the others shadow. They will be scared to move on fully or make decisions for themselves. You are not in the relationship anymore. Let it go.
7. Should you still be together? Maybe a break is all you needed and being friends with your ex is just prolonging what is meant to be?

From my own experience, staying friends with your ex isn’t worth it. It’s all banter until it’s not banter anymore. Saying that, as I mentioned at the beginning, it is possible depending on the reason you broke up. When children are involved particularly, it’s important to maintain some sort of positive relationship.

If you are in your twenties, especially under 25, I would encourage you to enjoy your moments together but release yourself and continue living your best life once your relationship has come to an end. Ultimately, do what’s best for you.