I don’t know where this idea came from that giving relationship advice should only be reserved for those already in a relationship but I’ve been living long enough and known enough people to know that It’s nonsensical and actually, if you’re having problems at home you should consider consulting one of your single friends.
Many people seem to assume that only those in long-term relationships or marriages are qualified to speak but that’s not necessarily true. In fact, single people often provide insight that’s unbiased, reflective, and better rooted in experience. Not everyday ask your married neighbour whose simultaneously arranging a hit on her husband while she’s telling you to divorce yours for no reason whatsoever.
Here are 6 reasons why single people are more than capable of giving relationship advice…
1. Experience from Past Relationships
I might be single now but I haven’t been single my whole life; have you seen this face?! I know how to navigate a relationship and choosing to be single until I meet someone I am confident is my forever person shows courage and strength as opposed to suffering long-term any of the lows that past relationships may have brought me. People often forget that many single people are single by choice. We could have settled down 3 losers ago if we had succumbed to the pressures of what being in a relationship means for a woman.
Whether it’s long-term, short-term, or even situationships (sigh), single people have navigated the highs and lows of love, learning valuable lessons along the way. Single people know what it’s like to be in love, to face conflict, and to deal with breakups. Their advice is usually a reflection of their past successes and failures, helping others avoid the same mistakes or approach situations with a different perspective.
2. Unbiased Opinion
When you speak to other couples about the difficulties of their relationship you don’t always realise that you, or they, or both of you hold a personal attachment to the situation. You could be invested in one particular narrative because considering anything else would bring panic or worry to the thoughts of your own relationship. You speak with a filter or some kind of bias which may be sincere but could restrict you from giving impartial advice. Single people can sometimes offer advice that isn’t clouded by judgement and their input is less likely to be swayed by any emotional bias.
3. They Understand What Doesn’t Work
Having experienced the end of relationships single people often have a good sense of what doesn’t work and vow to never revisit those darker times with new potential partners. They’ve likely experienced poor communication, mismatched expectations, or unhealthy dynamics first hand. They can see what you might be missing and highlight factors that have become so normal to you but actually from the outside are not very healthy. Just because you’ve been with your partner for 6 years doesn’t mean you’re any happier than your single friend whose chosen to break away from a relationship or two.
4. Perspective from Observing Others
Single people often have the advantage of observing relationships from the outside. This bird’s-eye view provides valuable insights when advising others on their relationship. You might have no idea that you nit-pick and make unnecessary comments to your partner because it’s just how you are and you’re used to it, but upon observing it a couple times your friend can remind you that you’re being a bitch and ultimately everybody has a choice and your partner might one day choose not to get rushed by you every morning because you’re tired and in a bad mood. Being in a relationship takes constant work but I think many people comfortable in said relationships forget that that doesn’t mean you start tolerating each others unkindness – your single friend wouldn’t tolerate it from someone she’s just started dating so why would you?
5. They Value Independence and Self-Love
…Maybe a little too much but that’s neither here nor there. Single people tend to have a strong understanding of independence and self-love which are two crucial ingredients in any healthy relationship. Overcoming heart break brings a lot of self reflection and inner work (if you choose to do the work, which not all people do to be fair *cough* men). You’ll always see men say “how dare she suddenly become this hot, career driven woman the minute she leaves me!” not realising that the toxicity or un-healthiness of the relationship is what inadvertently made her lose the spark that first attracted them together. Your single friend won’t have their rose tinted glasses on that some of your relationship buddies might do because naturally, couples like to unify themselves and become one, where as single people understand the power of being your own person and have probably become a lot more accountable and self aware.
6. They’re Less Afraid of Hard Truths
As a single person I have nothing to lose when giving you a hard truth. There’s no fear of damaging my own relationship, therefore I might be more willing to offer you advice that those in relationships might shy away from. No it’s not nice when advice comes in the form of bluntness or lacking empathy but overall single people tend to be direct and honest because they’re not concerned about preserving their own relationship status when giving advice. This can result in more practical, no-nonsense guidance.
Thoughts…
Seeking advice in general is all subjective anyway and should come with a level of discernment. If you are having money worries then approaching somebody with a heavy gambling addiction and debt to their name probably isn’t the wisest idea. Not because they haven’t had money before or understand financial literacy but it’s likely that their current relationship with money is extremely poor, therefore their perspective on money and advice they give about it may come from a place of personal dwelling. You might shy away from seeking advice from your single friend because you assume they won’t be able to relate or see things ‘realistically’ but then you could find yourself asking someone in a relationship who is deeply unhappy and insecure who then project their own issues onto you which only catastrophises your concerns and creates additional problems that weren’t there beforehand. You asked for advice on how to feel about bae going out on Friday nights without you and suddenly you’re being told he’s probably having an affair. How did we get here?! Furthermore who the hell is he having an affair with!?
Single people aren’t the enemy. Terrible partners are x