As I mindlessly get ready for the gym I found myself side eyeing the complexities of modern dating. As I navigated the treacherous waters of attachment and compatibility, I couldn’t help but wonder: In our quest for the perfect partner, are we holding on too tightly to our fears?
I shared my recent dating woes with the girls. Miranda, as per, went straight to it. “Carrie, you’re not a museum. Stop putting these men on pedestals they can’t live up to.” Her bluntness was a much-needed wake-up call. Perhaps I had been so focused on finding my future husband that I was overlooking the present moment. Unable to fully enjoy what was happening in front of me because I was too busy analysing whether they could live up to my expectations long term. I guess that’s a little unfair.
Charlotte, our eternal optimist, chimed in with her usual rose-coloured perspective. “Maybe this is all part of your journey to find true love. Each relationship is teaching you something valuable.” While I appreciated her sentiment, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was stuck in a perpetual cycle of almost-but-not-quite relationships. On the other hand though, each dating experience was better than the last so that is a testament at least to the energy and potential that I am attracting into my life. I very much enjoyed every part of what I recently experienced.
It was Samantha who really hit the nail on the head. She looked at me and said “Honey, you need to stop obsessing over them and their social media and start focusing on your own happiness and how great you are. If a man can’t keep up with you that’s his loss.” Leave it to Samantha to remind me that my worth isn’t determined by someone else’s ability to understand me or commit.
As I reflected on their advice, I realised that my anxious attachment was more than just a quirk – it was a pattern that needed addressing. The constant fear of abandonment, the urge to check social media for signs of trouble, the panic when communication faltered – it can be exhausting. But perhaps the real issue wasn’t just about finding the right partner, but about believing that I am worthy and deserving of one, too.